I am suffering writers block at the moment. Well to call it writers block is stretching the truth a little, it”s more writers avoidance. I have read my books, emailed my tutor of my intention to write something, tidied my pencils, made notes, organized my files, cleaned my desk and now finally even posted a journal entry. All for what? Well probably all to avoid actually writing something, that some person who I do not know from Adam will read, and in my mind tear apart. Anyone would think I haven”t done this for twenty years. The reality is that I should have sent it by now, and so in my desperation, I figured making a semi public statement would force me into doing some work. So It”s Friday night, I have a clear day tomorrow, the family are all out saving the world one child a time with puppets and so I have no more excuses.
I’m a little brain dead after a day of discovering that I don’t know very much. I’m probably mangling a famous quote but I believe someone once said that wisdom was moving from ‘believing you know all you could know about a subject to understanding how little you really know about a subject.’ Well if that’s the case I became a very wise man today as I discovered all I really don’t know about theology. But it excites me that there is so much to learn about our God. Is that a little sad? It’s scares me intensely as well. I’m not talking about having to somehow find fifteen hours a week to complete this course within the two years I have set. More about the impact it will have on my relationship with my Father God. I expect to be challenged and I expect my assumptions to be questioned, but what I don’t want to do is to lose my relationship with our mighty creator God. I don’t want to boil down the traditions of ‘church’ and mull over the situations of the New and Old Testament writers, to discover I have some how boxed our Lord into a neat little package. I want to continue to be awed by Him and surprised by Him. Is it possible to seek to know our God in a deeply intellectual way whilst maintaining a relationship with Him? I guess if we are not willing to explore that concept then what is our faith based upon? Of course many have gone before me and come out the other side on fire for their Father. But then many have lost their way on the same journey. So it is with great excitement and a little trepidation that I take another step on the journey.