Wow it has been a while to say the least. My Bishops Advisory Panel was way back in May. As my update to that post said, they did recommend me form training. So of to STETS I went in early September to begin my training. A three year distance-learning course where I am supposed to study 17 hours a week on top of the 9-5 (if only) job. At the end of that apparently I shall “be equipped” to be a leader within the Church. From what I understand I might be equipped to begin learning about being a leader with the Church, but you have to start somewhere.
Anyway just as I began the study, my 9-5 stopped even pretending that it was going to only take 40 hours a week from me. I ended up doing 6 or 7 days a week, and working late into the night most days, squeezing what little study I could into my life on the train journeys. The long and short of it was that my study got of to a bad start, and the bags under my eyes developed a deep darkness that worried me, let alone my family. My family rallied around me despite my grumpiness and lack of attentiveness to them, and yes we did get through it.
There were times mind you; that I really did not know how I was going to get through the next 24 hours without exploding of exhaustion or frustration. It was at these times that I finally remembered that I was supposed to have handed this stuff over to God. Funny how amongst the slow build of these things, we can forget that God is there for us all the time, not just in the disasters. This came to mind last night in cell group. We were putting together our own modern day Psalms as a reflection of our worship. I am no poet, and I literally wrote it down within 5 minutes, so it’s certainly no masterpiece. But looking back at it, I realised it did come out of the last few months of my life. I called it Psalm 151, not because it is supposed to replace Psalm 151 from the Septuagint, but because most translations of the Psalms finish at 150. For what it’s worth here it is:
God you are above all things.
Your power is greater then thunder.
You can be trusted more then gold.
You are always the same.
Lord I was tired and at the end of my tether
You came and reached out to me.
I didn’t known which way to turn.
You told me it would be ok.
Why would you do this for me lord?
Why is it that you seek me out?
Why do you care to pick me up?
What am I to you?
Father your care is beyond my understanding.
Lord you your steadfastness is a rock to me.
Spirit your comfort in the dark, is needed by me.
God you are my one true light, and I seek to know you more.
I am glad to say that things have returned to a more normal busy, rather then stupid busy. Study is back on track and my family now recognise who I am. I am also happy to report that a recent short break in Turkey, enabled me to make my apologies to my family, and God.